It’s March 4th and you know what that means.
Well, actually, you probably don’t. Let me refresh your memory.
Not only is March 4th the only day of the year that can be read as a full sentence, it is also this blogger’s birthday. Last year, I celebrated the day with a post answering 20 questions related to life, love, and the pursuit of a college education. So I thought I’d do it again in honor of turning 21. For the sake of the sake, these questions are brought to you by a sketchy random question generator I found online.
1. What movie have you re-watched the most times? To answer this, I’m going to have to tell you something that you aren’t going to believe. But stick with me, because it’s the truth, no matter how much mother wishes it weren’t. When I was younger, I watched the second Harry Potter movie so many times, I could recite the whole thing from memory. And I don’t mean I could quote along with the movie. That’s child’s play. I’m talking about reciting the lines word-for-word in the middle of Algebra to amuse myself. Pretty impressive, I know. All the fathers in my village kept trying to get me to marry their daughters.
2. Nicknames? I’ve never had a nickname, but I’ve always really wanted one. For a while, after a tragic haircut in middle school, everyone did call me “lampshade head with asymmetric bang crop” but it was a little wordy to stick around.
3. Favorite card game? Cards Against Humanity, because frankly I am crazy good at it. You don’t even know.
4. Bees? Exactly.
5. If you could choose one era to live in, what would it be? The future. It looks about 1701% brighter from where I’m standing. Also, I look good in chrome. And I won’t apologize for that.
6. What superpower would you choose? You know Wolverine? That, but with glitter cannons instead of adamantium claws. Just think of the possibilities.
7. Explain relativity. Einstein’s description goes like this: “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.” I offer, instead, this amendment: being alive is what happens when you put your hand on a hot stove while sitting next to the pretty girl.
8. Last text message on your phone? “Karen, bring me my charades hat.”
9. What’s a saying you say a lot? ‘Razzamadazz this!’ It literally fits in any situation. Go ahead, try it. Tell me I’m wrong.
10. Your worst enemy this week? Those silver tongued she-devils who sell Girl Scout Cookies outside of Walmart. Everything I own is now covered in a fine layer of thin mint crumbs.
11. Last thing you bought online? A phone case (and before you even ask, yes, it was Star Trek and yes it was awesome).
12. Is that picture of you with a beard? Yes, what’s your point? Besides, it’s not just any beard. It’s my mirrorverse beard. If you don’t know what that is, google it and thank me later.
13. You are the creator of a half-hour TV show. What is it called and what’s the premise? ‘The Gipper and Me’: 40th President of the United States Ronald Reagan moves into a cramped New York apartment with a horse named Whirling Dervish (who happens to be communist sleeper spy). Hilarity ensues.
14. Favorite color? You know that iridescent black haze that kind of clouds your vision whenever you think about how useless our existence in the universe is, in the grand scheme of things? That, but a little bit more ominously foreboding.
15. Do you have an interesting scar? One time a hot popcorn kernel dropped down the sleeve of my shirt and burned the ever-living Mary out of my arm. It kind of looks like a sad question mark, which I thought was eerily fitting. What is life, if not a giant sad question mark?
16. Have you ever had a ‘kick me’ sign stuck on your back? No, because I live in the real world with real people who can prank a little bit better than that. “Kick me” signs are amateur hour compared to emotional, deeply personal attacks of character. Any middle schooler worth their salt will tell you that.
17. Last person that made you laugh? Me, just now. In case you haven’t noticed, I am just a hoot to be around.
18. Do you swear often? Heck yes. I curse in an oddly specific fashion, though. I like to go off-type with my explicative language. I can’t list examples here, because my mother is a sensitive woman prone to swooning.
19. Favorite food? Sometimes I get anxiety over the fact that I love red velvet cake more than I love most people.
20. Do you like to run? Is that a threat?
21. All good? Yeah, yeah I am.
Have a good week everybody.
Ashley is a (now 21 year-old) junior from Payette, Idaho.