Any Given Sunday

The poet Patches O’Houlihan once made the sage observation that if one can dodge a wrench, by extension he can also dodge a ball.

Sadly, readers, it took me crying my way through three years of middle school PE to learn that I cannot dodge a wrench or a ball. But it only took a quiet Sunday afternoon for me to discover that what I can dodge is water balloons simultaneously hurled at me by the swim team. So … there’s that.

The thing about C of I is that once you get here, you quickly learn to throw your definition of “quiet afternoon” right out the window, along with any reservations you have about eating pizza at 10 in the morning (We’ve affectionately nicknamed it “The Breakfast of Better-than-Champions.” It’s a little on the nose, but we’re working on it). Today was one of those “quiet afternoons” for me, meaning after eating a breakfast fit for a Better-than-a-Champion, my day has been a whirlwind, with a lot of fun, a lot of excitement, and a lot of tears (mostly mine).

First up, setting the bar for the day, was a dodge ball tournament with an interesting twist: instead of your standard, cliché, red rubber balls to throw at one another, our weapons were balloons filled with dyed water. Our suits of armor? Nothing more than a white T-shirt (a Plain White Tee, if you will). The theory behind the tournament was that even if you lost, you still walked out of there with a totally awesome tie-dyed T-shirt.

So as the sun rose majestically to its highest throne, I gathered the ragtag group of delightful misfits that was my team to talk strategy. Which basically meant me reciting any inspirational speech I could think of from any movie released in the last twenty years; I started with Morgan Freeman’s “Get Busy Livin’” soliloquy from Shawshank Redemption, then moved on to Aragorn’s speech in Lord of the Rings, threw in a little Braveheart, and then ended with chanting “Rudy, Rudy, Rudy!” over and over again (and with that, I’ve now officially reached my ‘obscure movie references’ quota for the rest of the year). It. Was. Awesome.

We won our first round, against the above mentioned swim team, with all six of our team walking away with spotlessly white shirts. But, sadly, in the second round we went down on a technicality after a certain ASCI president (not mentioning any names or anything) claimed to have hit me, despite the fact that my clothes were still completely clean by the end of it. But, no worries, I’m not bitter about it. I was quite pleased with myself for being clean, until, of course, my roommate (Hannah “Benedict Arnold” Dixon) decided to take the bucket of left over dyed water and upend it all over our battle-wearied team.

After taking a couple hours to let our adrenaline fade, Hannah “Mata Hari” Dixon and I headed back to our dorm in Simplot in order to get a different kind of war paint on for the Simplot Scavenger Hunt Egg-Stravaganza, which is exactly what you are thinking it was: six teams, ten minutes, 150 eggs, and bloodshed. Hannah “Vidkum Quisling” Dixon and I formed the yellow team and despite our best efforts, we finished a paltry 4th place. We didn’t win a ceramic bunny like the first three teams, but we did get a sack of candy and a chance to revel in the spirit of camaraderie (ironic, after Hannah “You too, Brutus?” Dixon’s betrayal earlier in the day. Incidentally, I have also now reached my ‘obscure historical traitors references’ quota for the millennia).

So, to sum up, it was your typical quiet Sunday here on campus. All that is left is for me to wash out the dye that got in my hair and eat the candy I successfully plundered.

What did you do today?


Ashley is a sophomore Creative Writing major from Payette, Idaho.